There are some friends that can handle that honesty. If we are lucky we will have one or two in a lifetime that not only "handles" those times, but rises to the occasion to help you through the worst. I used to think that I didn't need that special friend, that my family and spouse were enough. But, we tend to protect those closest to us. We don't want to increase their pain and agony during the rough times, so we hold our own feelings inside and just let the "acceptable" measure of sharing slip through. Is that being dishonest - probably. It is similar to the "little white lie" that allows us to not hurt those around us. Those times of being not totally truthful.
So what would happen if I decided to be totally honest - brutally so. Is it better to say nothing at all rather than something not nice - if it is honest? Am I being unfair or uncaring if I don't call a spade a spade? Is it to protect me or my friend? my friendship? Some friendships cannot handle honesty. Does than make them worth less? Is a dishonest friendship better than no friendship at all? Ouch!
So perhaps a little honesty is in order . . . Is that dishonest if it isn't totally honest? If I am afraid of saying what is on my mind and coming between me and my friend, do I really have a friendship at all? What would happen if I stated what was eating me up? Would my friend make light of it? Belittle my feelings and fears? If my friend did respond that way, what would I do? Would I walk away?
You would think that at 59 I should have all these answers. But I have discovered that life is made up of mainly grey. There is little that is black and white to choose from. There is no winner, just someone who loses less that the other. I have learned that sometimes it is better to let it go than to scramble to hang on. Has that made me weak? I hope not. I hope it has made me more tolerant and understanding of others. I hope that it has given me strength to forgive and forget.
Tomorrow will be a day spent with my friend who has offended me every time I have spoken to her in the past 3 weeks. From flippant comments to her uncaring attitude about anything that doesn't affect her, I have listened and winced from the flick of the whip she has wielded. So why am I planning to spend the day with her - because I don't believe in just walking away and not letting the person know why I am leaving. So does that mean I am "leaving" the friendship? Maybe I am hoping that if I spend time with her, I will rediscover the "friend" I used to know. Maybe I am missing something that is important in her life and I am being uncaring without realizing it. I do feel I have to give this friendship another chance to flourish.
So there - my answer is that I am willing to muffle honesty to work with others. I am willing to hold my tongue and observe and listen. It may come to complete honesty if the situation warrants it. If I want to have this friendship flourish and grow, I will have to share the truth - just not necessarily the whole truth. Wow, that just sounds wrong.
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