Fancy Pants give away

I have only started to use the Fancy Pants scrapbook paper. Some of their color combos recently make the new techniques a snap. You can "layer" multiple papers from one design and they will always compliment each other beautifully, while looking completely different.

Fancy Pants is having a give away because they made 10,000 Facebook fans. Be sure to name your favourite paper pack from Fancy Pants to win one of their packs.

http://missfancypants.typepad.com/little_miss_fancy_pants/2011/12/facebook-fans-big-giveaway.html

Catchup

It has been so long . . .

Since my last post we have moved back home from Vancouver to Quesnel. Tom and I bought a new house in October so my move home coincided with my move into my new house.

Chris is better, but cannot manage the move to his own home, so he has move into our new home with us.

The same time we moved home . . . we have to get ready for Christmas - but 1/2 our home (or more) is still in our old home. Too much to do.

Then Christmas . . . thank God for the beautiful day given to us. A great day with Sami, Jeff and girls - knowing Dianne and family were with Tara and family, meant everyone in the family was celebrated.

Peace and joy - family, friends and love - what a great day. Christmas dinner at 5 with everyone gathered around our new table, in our new home. What a great life.

Can't be November!

So what is wrong with THIS picture: sun shining, roses blooming, lavender looking so nice, AND it is November! Being from Quesnel where the first frost hits in September and all the flowers are long gone by Halloween, Vancouver is a sun spot destination!

Walking to an appointment at VGH, I found amazing spots to stop and reflect on "mindfulness". (For interesting reading, do a Google search for "mindfulness", a habit of living in the moment and looking for the positive.)

PSYCHOLOGY TODAY DEFINES:
Mindfulness - present moment awareness
Mindfulness is a state of active, open attention on the present. When you're mindful, you observe your thoughts and feelings from a distance, without judging them good or bad. Instead of letting your life pass you by, mindfulness means living in the moment and awakening to experience.

Let me share a couple of photos:

Bits of Vancouver

Early in my walking and wandering around Vancouver, Dianne and I discovered these amazing statues behind the Vancouver Board of Education Building. There are 7 statues of children in various poses. This one is my absolute favourite.

My pictures do not do justice to the beauty in these pieces of artwork. Too often the art in the city is rather “out there” for my taste, but these are very appropriate and special.
These two photos were taken on a rainy night. As you can see . . . The detail is gorgeous.

The other statues will be posted when I get clearer photos.
I love Vancouver . . .

Life is Beautiful

What an amazing day I had today. It started with a meeting at 10am with the transplant social worker. We discussed my son's extended stay in the hospital and how it must be affecting him. We then moved on to my life and the many changes I have gone through over the last 7 months or so. By the time I left her office, I felt confident and calm about going ahead into the unknown next few months.

From there I went to visit my son where we had a great visit over lunch. He actually got up to eat and we went for a jaunt down to the cafeteria after lunch for some chocolate milk. He managed to stay up for over 2.5 hours and felt good and not too tired when he got back into bed.

Physio came by and took my son off for some exercises. I went down to the Village Square for a Passionfruit Tazo Tea from Starbucks and some fresh BC strawberries and raspberries. I called the family back home to confirm that my son was going through a mild organ rejection and that the prognosis was good. When I was done, I had also cancelled my husband's trip down to see us for the weekend. He would have arrived tomorrow.

So - why is Life Beautiful??? I FEEL good. Today was right in my world. I feel I was in the right place at the right time - synchronicity again.

So much of what is going on right now in my life could be so very bad, but I feel stronger, happier and more comfortable with myself than at any other time in my life. Yes - life is beautiful.

Synchronicity

Definition: Synchronicity - answered prayer. (from The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron)

Being in Vancouver for the last 4 months, I have had time to tackle some life long dreams and wishes that I never seemed to have enough time for before. One of those was to focus on journalling every day. Yes, I have had this blog for a couple of years, but the postings have been stilted and far between. The topics have sometimes been childish and the content has been quickly typed and posted. Just not the blog of a serious "writer".

I had hoped my scrapbooking would open up a venue to spotlight my gracious handwriting and stellar wit, but alas, my scrapbooking has hit a slump - almost a writer's block of scrapping. Too many pictures that are not the best photography and too little dialog to make them interesting enough to scrap.

So that opens the other plan - photography. Last fall my husband gifted me with a beautiful Sony @330 DSLR camera complete with 2 different lenses. My daughter and her husband ordered a custom made camera bag for me to carry everything. I have been sporadically studying how to use aperture settings vs shutter speed and white balance . . . and I still end up guessing if I have a decent picture or not. So much for weekly strolls through the back yard catching the flowers, butterflies and hummingbirds . . . beautiful fodder for my scrapbooks of flowers and Victorian pictures.

So suddenly I find myself walking up to complete strangers and asking if I can join their "writing group". Where did that come from? Yes, my morning pages for my studies of The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron are coming along and I have been watching the changes in my "self talk" and my communication with God, The Creator. Yes, I do have a self journal started to catalog the days with Chris in the hospital. Yes, I do have a journal of things that intrigue me and capture my interest. Yes, I do have a 28 x 30 inch scrapbook of items and pictures of my stay in Vancouver including pictures sent to me by my Grandchildren (who I miss terribly).

BUT - write a story - or novel - it has always been a dream of mine - BUT! Where to begin? And how did this happen? I attend a Presbyterian Church Service for the first time in over 13 years and feel such a sense of homecoming and love that I - what - lose my mind? I cannot embarrass myself with these lovely people by asking to join their gifted group as an empty palette, offering nothing of value and looking to take from them their knowledge and kindness. Could I?

How my mind rolls and turns with random thoughts of creativity - great novels and storylines. A series of books based on a woman in her late 50's struggling to make sense of the changes in her life making her "find herself" when she thought she was true and surely "found". Oh the fun I could have moving her through crisis after crisis, where each event twists her well thought out values and makes her ask "why now?"

Surely this is my quest for my Creator to show me my path to walk. I want so much to reflect His goodness and faithfulness, even when I have merrily gone my own way, taking charge and making things happen MY WAY. Ha! He was just walking slightly behind me so all I had to do was turn my head slightly to see Him, but instead I focused on my own vision.

I so have a sense of being in the right place at exactly the right time with the right people. The fears I have are just that - my fears and insecurities. This gift I have been presented with is God's power, guiding and working in my life. I am truly blessed. I will do my best to live up to the challenges and, when I feel insecure and fearful, I need only glance over and see God gently smiling and encouraging me to continue to move forward under His guidance. Yes, synchronicity at work.

Fear

I have always said that I didn't want to live TOO long. My family has jokingly said they will keep me around so long as I am "entertaining". I think that will be ok, but I do have a fear of being old and weak and unable to "live". Visiting in the hospital there are mostly older people on th ward. They are in various stages of sub-acute care. There is a white haired lady that carries a book out to the nurses station and sits and reads on a chair there until she needs a new book. She is fully dressed and walks with a walker to get to and from her room. Down the hall is a woman laying in her bed sleeping. Every time I pass her room, she is asleep. The tonight in doing some searching for some sayings and poetry, I find this poem. I am struck with the reality and the pain. This is my fear.

Author: unknown
~An Old Lady's Poem~

What do you see, nurses, what do you see?
What are you thinking when you're looking at me?
A crabby old woman, not very wise,
uncertain of habit, with faraway eyes?
Who dribbles her food and makes no reply
When you say in a loud voice, "I do wish you'd try!"
Who seems not to notice the things that you do,
and forever is losing a stocking or shoe.....
Who, resisting or not, lets you do as you will,
with bathing and feeding, the long day to fill....
Is that what you're thinking? Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse; you're not looking at me
I'll tell you who I am as I sit here so still,
as I do at your bidding, as I eat at your will.
I'm a small child of ten ..with a father and mother,
brothers and sisters, who love one another
A young girl of sixteen, with wings on her feet,
dreaming that soon now a lover she'll meet.
A bride soon at twenty -- my heart gives a leap,
remembering the vows that I promised to keep.
At twenty-five now, I have young of my own,
who need me to guide and a secure happy home.
A woman of thirty, my young now grown fast,
bound to each other with ties that should last.
At forty, my young sons have grown and are gone,
but my man's beside me to see I don't mourn.
At fifty once more, babies play round my knee,
again we know children, my loved one and me.
Dark days are upon me, my husband is dead;
I look at the future, I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing young of their own,
and I think of the years and the love that I've known.
I'm now an old woman .. and nature is cruel;
'Tis jest to make old age look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles, grace and vigor depart,
there is now a stone where I once had a heart.
But inside this old carcass a young girl still dwells,
and now and again, my battered heart swells.
I remember the joys, I remember the pain,
and I'm loving and living life over again.
I think of the years . all too few, gone too fast,
and accept the stark fact that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, people, open and see,
not a crabby old woman; look closer ..see ME!!

Living Life in Two Cities

For the first time in 3 1/2 months, I got to go home to Q where my house, work and family live. I used to live there . . . eons ago. I had exactly 5 days to reconnect, re-establish and re-root, before I had to head back to the big city where my son is recovering from his liver transplant etal. (a different story there).

Now that I am back "home" in the big city and my 5 days of being "back" are over - well, I believe the word "confusion" is closest to what I am feeling right now. I ran myself ragged every day trying to squeeze in all the exciting things and all my fabulous family and friends into "meaningful" visits. I tried to catch naps between coffee times and meals, but my cell never stopped ringing. How can such a great time be so annoying? I am used to being exhausted after trying to do too much but this has made me almost angry. Upset isn't even close to how I am feeling.

Guess my private journalling will have to go through a new phase of morning pages to reveal what is really going on in my head.

Leaving was easy - and hard.

Gotta love Stamping with Denise

For you stampers/scrappers you have to check out this lady's blog. I follow it faithfully on my blog.

http://denisesstampingpage.blogspot.com/

Rain in Vancouver

Yes another rainy day - it was over 10 degrees Celius but it didn't feel over 1. It was so cold and windy. It literally poured all day.

Beauty All Around

It is because of my son's recent illness that I find myself in a most unusual situation. For the first time in my life (literally), I have time to spend doing . . . nothing. I can move to the beat of my own drum. I have few demands on my time other than visiting my son during the day at the hospital. I can take projects with me to work on in the hospital room and then my evenings are all for me. So what is it I want to do? Who am I after 58 1/2 years of living?

Well, I am loving the little things in life - the scent of the lillies in my apartment when I walk in the door, the sight of the flowers on my walk home, the moss on the trees on the street, the sound of my girls' voices on the phone - I could go on forever. I am enjoying taking each moment to appreciate where I am, what I am doing, and how I feel.

So enjoy these quick shots taken on my cell phone on the walk home today. I love to look at them.

Happy Mothers Day to me

Tom and I had an amazing dinner at The Red Door on Granville St. & W 14th Avenue. Tom had the Shaking Beef Tenderloin and I had the Coconut Masala Shrimp and we shared a jasmine rice. My Masala was a bit hot even though I asked for it to be mild. The hightlight was the wine - Peony Gwertzenheiminer (spelling is bad). I was also given a free Mimosa to start the dinner and we ended with an amazing Mango Ice Cream. Wow, what a great meal.

Mother's Day Celebrations - For My Mom

There isn't a day that I don't talk to my Mom. As I go through this special time of trial and tribulation with Chris, I call out to my Mom. She hugs me and holds me close and tells me "It will be ok."

You filled my days with rainbow lights,

Fairytales and sweet dream nights,

A kiss to wipe away my tears,

Gingerbread to ease my fears.

You gave the gift of life to me

And then in love, you set me free.

I thank you for your tender care,

For deep warm hugs and being there.

I hope that when you think of me

A part of you

You'll always see.

Burn out

Last week was a dreadful week at ICU. Starting with the emergency colectomy on Good Friday, and another surgery on Sunday night to flush and clean the site, and then the final closing surgery on Wednesday night. Add to that the prediagnosis of chicken pox on Thursday and hellish nurses all week, and you have the worst week so far. We called on Polly the social worker on Thursday and set up meetings with her and the ICU doctors on Friday.

We had an awesome meeting with Polly and a great meeting with the administrator, Dr. Hemeed, the ICU surgeon, Dr. Branbrook, and our nurse at the time, Debra. We felt heard, reassured, updated etc. So why - why - do I still feel so defeated and done? How much more can Chris be put through? When will he get a break?

City Life

When you go shopping at Chapters for 2.5 hours, and then go for a glass of wine and appies, you should definitely remember a) what parkade you parked in b) where that parkade is located and c) where is a door that doesn't lock after you walk out of it. We discovered some gorgeous statuary, a park and some lovely people, but no Subaru! Of course, it was also pouring rain!

So moral of the story - remember your parking spot!

A Down Day

Many of us are afraid to be alone. We are afraid that if no one else is around, no one will be present - or that we will be in and will BE, a void. When we lose the awareness of ourselves, we try to fill up our time with work, busy-ness, food and other people. It never works. When no one is around, you have the potential to be with a very interesting person.

Ok, I was with that quote right up to the last sentence. That tells you what kind of day I am having. I did not sleep well last night. I woke up this morning feeling a complete failure - a piece of useless flesh that is not living up to any of her commitments or promises. In my mind, I am not with Chris as much as I feel I should be, and when I am there, I usually have too many questions, and like yesterday, have input to the nurse that may not be helpful or supportive at all. Sometimes I imagine they really would like the family to just stay away. Obviously I am not at the office during the busiest season of the year - taxtime. I am not at home doing the most rudimentary of housework, cooking, laundry, etc. I am not with my husband supporting him during HIS busiest time of the year either! I am not helping Samantha with her busy life and children and husband. I am not working with my grandsons as they stumble through school. I am not helping Dianne find her new life in Quesnel - because she is HERE helping ME! I am not covering my end of the world (Quesnel), leaving Shane to carry that particular load. And, let's not even start on money!!!

Ok, so on a good day, I am trying to be upbeat and positive for Chris. I try to keep the family informed of all the things changing for him on a day to day basis without worrying them unnecessarily about little bumps. I think the problem is that I am enjoying my life here (outside the hospital) a little too much. I am spending way too much $$ on my apartment and food and living the life I want. (Yes, I am buying organic, cooking organic, recycling, etc. - I am going green!) I love my quiet time to read, crochet (at the hospital only), and eventually make cards and do some basic scrapbooking to stay creative. I love the city and the shops and different places - maybe too much?

Next weekend is Easter and maybe I should go to Quesnel with Shane and the boys and put in the last week of April doing WORK! My fear is that I may be unable to think about work. When I am not at the hospital, I cannot even plan a budget or work with numbers. How could I do taxes efficiently or work on client's books? Would I be able to? And if I couldn't, what do I do then? I am definitely not feeling very capable, or useful.

Fear

Fear is a terrible thing. It can weaken you and make you negative when you most need to be BRAVE and STRONG.

As Chris continues to deteriorate - mentally and physically - I find myself having moments of absolute FEAR. The kind where your heart starts to race and you have to fight or flight - but there is nothing to fight and nowhere to go. As Chris' behaviour becomes more agrumentative, more angry, I find myself reaching into the depths of my patience to bring him back to the loving and gentle soul he truly is.

Please, God, make Chris well!

Beauty

I am always stunned at the expressions and images my grandchildren share. This one is amazing! Taken at Savalas Dining Room, my granddaughter borrowed my scarf. It definitely looks better on her than me! LOL

Edema

Who knew that the rule of drinking lots of water to help flush fluids from our tissues was not a rule but a "wives' tale".

When a person is inactive, you are supposed to reduce your fluid intake. My son is supposed to be down to 1.5 to 2 litres of water a day. He was up to 6 litres because the medications he is on make him very dry mouthed and he needs the fluid. Unfortunately it also put an additional 25 pounds of weight on him, extra strain on his heart, and is now causing severe issues with his legs, torso and back.

Dieuretics are now on the prescription and lots of sleep with feet up!

Tired Thursday!

Being tired by Thursday does not bode well for TGIF!

I have appointments from 9am through 5:30pm tomorrow - I can't even think tonight. I guess this getting old is really nasty!! My brain kind of gave up on Wednesday.

The thought of work is actually much more overwhelming than the actual work . . . oh well. Ho Hummmm! Off to work we go!

Nice use of flower soft

I love the use of fine flower soft on just the tips of the flowers and the outline. I really want to try something like this one.

Great comic

Wht a great statement! I hate to think that I may be guilty of having said this one out loud! LOL

Zentangled?

My Art Journaling magazine had a reference to a totally tangled website called Zentangled. It has its own website and is also on Etsy. I love the "art".

http://www.zentangle.com/index.php

Making the Grade

There are times like today, when I really feel my age. I am definitely in Senior mode.

The thought of being up and at the office every day by 8am, focussed on work and remembering to schedule: supper in the slow cooker, Chris after the homecare has been there, someone to be home when Dianne can't be there, on top of the College problems re: QuickBooks and Simply instruction and the tax course. These are just some of the thoughts whipping through my brain all at the same time. I know - God only gives us what we can handle. But it all seems so overwhelmingly tiring right now. Especially since there is nothing I can do to 'get ready' right now.

The Spring Sampler (2011) - Susana's Custom Art and Card Design (SCACD)

The Spring Sampler (2011) - Susana's Custom Art and Card Design (SCACD)
Discovered this amazing stamp site. Love this set of little girls trying to be grown up.

A Special "Moment in Time"

At the end of a dreadful week full of ups, downs and sideways moves, an escape to shop at a Winners/Homesense store in downtown Vancouver, rounded off with a solitary dinner at Milestones . . . was awesome!

My gluten free meal included:
Jackson Triggs white chardonay wine (glass)
Tomato Basil Brown Rice Spaghettini - Fresh grape tomatoes sauteed in olive oil, with plenty of fresh spinach,basil and garlic. Tossed with brown rice spaghettini noodles and topped with goat cheese (subsituted parmesan for the goat cheese.)
Chocolate Ganache Torte - Crushed pecan pastry with chocolate filling and a carmel sauce.
Black coffee.

All around me were laughing, happy people. Drinking, eating and sharing good times. A huge party was gathering in the back room, directly ahead of my table. There were at least 8 ladies who arrived from work - all dressed up and professional, then the men started to come in and drinks started to flow. It was all very uptownish!

The rain was pouring down outside and the traffic was light. The city was moving all around me and I felt great! This was definitely one of those perfect moments when all the stars were aligned and things couldn't be better.

I even called Dianne to share my moment and probably made her feel awful - but I was almost euphoric. Just sit back and let the vibes come your way . . .

THE BOUNCE BACK BOOK

THE BOUNCE BACK BOOK – how to thrive in the face of adversity, setbacks and losses
by Karen Salmansohn
I found this book in the gift shop at the Rockyview General Hospital during Chris’ recent visit. It feels like it has a vinyl cover and there are simple, childlike pages throughout. The message, however, is anything but childlike.
“In life you always have a choice. 1. Be weak 2. Be Strong.”
I have had lots of time/experiences during the last two weeks to practice this. The worry and constant changes for Chris at the hospital have provided the trauma to test this statement. She is right. When I was feeling overwhelmed and alone, it was easier to be weak and let the depression run over me. But if I thought about the option of being weak or strong, when I chose the strong it had the power to move me to take action – be it get water for Chris, go for a coffee, look out into the world, not inwards. I had a few breakdowns where Eeyore took over and the “Oh woe is me!” groaned out of my mouth. But, then I laughed it off and I was fine.
This is just one of the gems of wisdom in this book of 75 tips to bouncing back. I can’t wait to read them all!

No more "woe is me"

Sometimes having too much time on your hands with nothing to do is not all it’s cracked up to be. With Chris in the hospital and me there from 7:30 am to 5pm every day – you would think I would have lots of time to write in my blog, read my romance novels, study my self help magazines, and generally do anything I want to do. So, why when I finally have all the time in the world to do anything I want, do I find myself so apathetic? (That may not be the right word, but it is somewhere between “lost my mojo” and “sick and tired”.)

So – I begin! No more sitting without doing something. I am writing my blog (sans internet) and getting ready to share some of the neat books and information I have found during this visit.

Having lots of time, means lots of “oh, woe is me” opportunities. I don’t like that part of my nature and I am going to try to get rid of it – starting now.

I give in!

It has been 2 weeks and I have told myself that I am suffering from allergies. Enough! I admit it! I have a terrible sinus cold.

The symptoms are so similar to my gluten allergy, that it is sometimes hard to tell when it is a cold or not. But, after this long with no breaks and a terrible sinus headache . . . ok. I will take a decongestant with my usual antihistamine tonight. Tylenol is looking good too. Maybe I will be able to sleep it off??

Stress or Quiet Time

With Chris in Rockyview General Hospital in Calgary, I get to spend my day quietly sitting by his bed. I can read. I can watch his TV. I get to talk to him and the nursing staff and Doctors. This is a quiet, non-demanding time. So why is it so stressful!

Yes, there is concern about Chris' health. But, really, he is getting better care than I could give him at home. His meals are regular (if a little small). His pain is being monitored and drugs are available if required. All his bodily needs are being met. The staff discuss his condition with him and he is alert and responsive. So why did I feel like I had been ran over by a truck when I got home last night at 7pm?

Yes, we had a different day - MAU to a Ward move, CT scan, new Doctors etc. But overall, it was a good day. I had tons of phone calls from work, clients, family. Not much different from a day in Quesnel.

Today - I am going to try to relax more - let things happen and not fuss or worry. I am going to be positive and hopeful that these Doctors will find something that has been missed - and can be helped.

There - that is my plan . . .

2011 - Resolution or Evolution

One of the blogs I follow suggested that one not make resolutions for the new year, but, rather, make evolution promises. Hmmm - sounded very lofty and promising. But the more I thought about it the more offended I became.

I consider myself to be fairly evolved already. I don't feel the need to "evolve" further. I don't see change and growth as necessarily evolution. Hmmm . . . again it comes down to symantics and definitions.

I feel ready to change and grow. I don't feel I need to become something else or leave behind anything. I want to ADD TO what I am, what I think, what I do.

Since it is already January 4th - I feel behind already! LOL!

So begins 2011.