No, it is NOT "again"

Imagine the trauma of putting your son back in the hospital ONE YEAR TO THE DAY of his liver failure and emergency transport to Vancouver General Hospital.  The emotions were overwhelming . . . fear, frustration, disappointment, anger . . .  The swirl of emotions went on all day. How could he go back into that place? How dare he? How dare God let this happen again? What could I do? Could I do anything? Why me?

It took a day of being with family and shopping around town and refocussing on my granddaughter's birthday to get through the day - poorly, by the way. When the deep fryer overflowed with foam from the coconut oil . . . last straw and I broke. I could not think of what to do or how to carry on. Thankfully my son-in-law saved the day and took over the kitchen so I could run away. Broken is a great way to describe how I felt. Mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, I was broken.

Thankfully, with family and God holding me steady, I have recovered. I still have moments of terror, but they are just moments. I still wonder what lesson I have to learn that God is making me go through this again, and then I get angry that it may be someone else that needs the lesson and we are all going through this for them. How wrong.

I can face each day - I have to remember that I only have to be my son's Mother. I have done that for 33 years and it is very easy to do. Nothing magically required here at all. A Mother's love - that is all.