Living Consciously

We learn to live consciously through becoming aware of inner and outer events as they are happening. Building a conscious self means becoming increasingly aware of inner events, bodily events and inner-personal needs. A conscious self is equal to experience in full awareness all the distinctly different components of the self including feeling, needs, drives, and values. A conscious self lives consciously. (by Gershen Kaufman/Lev Raphael, THE DYNAMICS OF POWER)

Found this quote in “Life’s Companion, Journal Writing as a Spiritual Practice” by Christina Baldwin.

I found it mentally challenging. For much of my life I chose to NOT live consciously. I went on auto-pilot, like many working moms around me. In order to get all the THINGS done in a day that had to be done, I just did everything. No time to think beyond “what has to get done first”. Kids had needs that as a parent I was responsible to meet. Work was demanding and if I wanted that money I had to perform. Housework didn’t go away, and eventually I had to do the laundry and the dishes, clean the bathroom and dust. Consciously - I don’t think so! Avoiding knowing what my personal needs were was a requirement of the job. If I thought about it too much I would probably divorce my husband, quit my job and ditch my kids. LOL

Ever hear of the “empty nest” syndrome? Well, I am still waiting for it to hit. Or maybe THAT is what living consciously means? Empty nest would mean more time on my hands to think about ME. Maybe that is what I am going through right now when I am looking at what I WANT to do instead of owning EBS. Maybe finding scrapbooking as a hobby to do with friends and family was my way of consciously looking at my creativity and deciding I needed this now. Maybe my journaling is my spiritual side looking to find its way back to the peace and quiet of faith. HMMMM...

We learn to live consciously through becoming aware of inner and outer events as they are happening. – That would explain why I don’t understand why I hate my work so much – I am more aware of the outer events and how I feel inside about them. I don’t understand things but I am more aware. Another AH...HA moment!

Ok, my head hurts now. I am going to post this and see what the day brings. Maybe I’ll be even more conscious. LOL