Friday, July 30, 2010

Peanut (Butter)


What a fun time I have had at Tara and Dales home in Calgary. During the work day, Daphne and I are home alone with Peanut. For a 10 month old puppy, she is amazingly well behaved.

Peanut is becoming very protective of her home and family. Yesterday during the paving of the street out front, a single worker walked down our side of the street. He was in his work coveralls, wearing the usual safety vest and hard hat and workboots. Peanut was inside the house and suddenly every hair on her back was straight up and she was at the back door screen barking her STAY AWAY! She stopped when we went to the door and checked, but she was not in a playful mood for sure.

Peanut's tricks include the usual sit, lay down, roll over, but the funniest is her "play attack" mode with Dale. She loves to go all wild dog and playfully dive and growl etc. Never does she actually made contact with her teeth on any part of your body. She loves to herd your feet and ankles, which was particularly funny when Dolly was here and she tried to herd Dolly. (Imagine trying to get under Dolly's belly to nip at HER ankles!) LOL

Peanut inspires me to get to work on Stetson. We have alot of work to do on him, but he is intelligent and loving - great assets to learning.

More Peanut pics to follow.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Life Path Challenge

WHAT DOES MY “LIFE PATH” LOOK LIKE? WHERE HAVE I COME FROM AND WHERE AM I GOING?

That one is going to take some serious thinking, especially my origins and youth. Lots of crazy activities and thoughts to consider, so I am going to skip to recent years ie. the last five or so.

I am trying to picture a line in a graph with the axis labeled fun vs responsibility. Now why would I see those as diametrically opposites? Surely sometimes the things I felt were my responsibilities were fun to do! Wow this is not working for me . . .

Maybe my axis should be fun vs work? But that only reflects how I am feeling lately. I feel that my “job” at EBS is all work and no fun. I don’t even enjoy my office or my clients. I am finished with “serving” the public. It exhausts me and I don’t like doing it. There, I just stamped my foot like a 4 year old!

If anyone can help me get a better start on this life path stuff . . . please dive in. I seem to be stuck in negative land. Feel free to throw out a comment or 2 to get me started.

ACTUALLY - THIS IS FOR A FAR TOO SERIOUS TOPIC!!!! OFF TO BETTER AND HAPPIER ENDEAVOURS - LIKE WRITING ABOUT MY FABULOUS FAMILY!

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

A Visitor in the Night

So, I am sleeping in the basement guest room at Tara's, alone now that Tom is back in Quesnel till Friday. Or at least, I was alone until just after midnight Tuesday morning.

I woke up to a very dark bedroom. Even sleeping with my door open, there is minimal light available downstairs. I thought I heard a paper rustle on the floor, so I listened really hard for about a minute and there was nothing. About 10 minutes later I hear it again. This time it had moved across the end of the room where my suitcases are, and was in the corner rustling some paper there. Rodents! OMG, Tara has mice! OMG NOW WHAT DO I DO?

With my heart pounding, I wait for another noise and sure enough it is moving up the side of the room! I swing across the bed and head for the light - thinking about how I will have to put my foot down on the carpet and who knows what else may be down there? OK - BE BRAVE! I step down and lean way over and hit the light. At the same time I move into the doorway so I can make a run for it if they charge!

Charge? Nope! A dark black rodent is sitting up staring at me from the side of the room. He is sitting on my heating pad that is resting on our empty packaway, and he has the nerve to be looking really friendly! Now I know that Daphne's hamster is upstairs in its cage and couldn't possibly be down in my room - right? Ok, I have to go get Tara or Dale. I have to - what else will I do all night? Sit on my bed with the lights on and sing CumBuyYah?

Now Tara had been up 4 times the previous night with a sick and demanding dog. She had to work and was exhausted when she went to bed. I really didn't want to be the next nightime problem, but what else was I going to do? So I shut the bedroom door and head upstairs to the hallway and call out quietly (so as not to wake Daphne) for either Tara or Dale. When Tara lifts her head I tell her that there is a mouse like creature in my bedroom. (Now, even I heard the hysterical laughter in my high voice when I told her the 2nd and 3rd time.) She finally woke Dale and told him he had to go downstairs and "deal" with the "mouse".

I am still a bit hysterical, but I follow my great hunter down the stairs and into my bedroom. As Dale opens the door, the hairy monster is right inside, not 10" from the doorway. Dale bends down and placing the empty plastic raspberry container he grabbed on the way down the stairs, he calls out quietly "Come on Chowder. Come get in." It was Daphne's hampster!

Still giggling in a high pitched tone, I follow Dale up the stairs to the, now, empty hamster cage and watch Chowder hop back into his bed.

We know how the hamster got out of the cage - his bed cover was not snapped down tight after Daphne cleaned the cage out Monday morning. But, since a picture is worth a 1000 words, I am posting a pic of the metal 'baker's shelf' where the cage is place on the top of the 6 foot stand. We all wish we could have filmed how that little hamster made it down the shelving unit, out of the dining room, through the kitchen past the sleeping dog in her kennel, down the stairs (we think he used the "rails" along the steps), past the open family room door and the furnace room with laundry and bathroom, down the hallway to the open bedroom door where I was peacefully asleep in my bed!

Now this is a small hamster! You would think an adventure like this would be exhausting! Not so for our adverturous soul. He continued to run in his wheel and toys for at least another half hour before I finally could settle down and sleep. Did Chowder sleep then? We really don't know. But what I do know is that there is a heavy heavy box on top of the cover on Chowder's bed tonight. I SLEEP ALONE.


Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Walker or Watcher


In reading my new book by Christina Baldwin (Life's Companion, Journal Writing as a Spiritual Practice), I was stunned to read that one needs to be aware of when one is the walker and when one is the watcher. I think everyone has caught themselves "watching" themselves deal with a certain issue or person and felt remorse, guilt, joy or something that was completely removed from the issue. The book says: "... the walker: the active self." "Words and phrases such as "responsible,' 'team player,' 'decisive,' 'concrete,' and 'action-oriented' all describe the active self."

The writer then suggested "Imagine a mirror running parallel to the path you're walking on. The mirror path reflects feelings, thoughts, attitudes and beliefs about what is happening. This is the watcher, the reflective self."

I don't remember how many times I have felt like a "watcher" of my life and actions. I tend to shun the watcher with the excuse that I am too busy or that the feelings and thoughts are just unnecessary in getting things done. I believe that if you do that long enough, you become removed from your own motivations, emotions and faith.

I think it is time for me to get back in touch with my watcher. I hope that this journal will help me do just that.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Living Consciously

We learn to live consciously through becoming aware of inner and outer events as they are happening. Building a conscious self means becoming increasingly aware of inner events, bodily events and inner-personal needs. A conscious self is equal to experience in full awareness all the distinctly different components of the self including feeling, needs, drives, and values. A conscious self lives consciously. (by Gershen Kaufman/Lev Raphael, THE DYNAMICS OF POWER)

Found this quote in “Life’s Companion, Journal Writing as a Spiritual Practice” by Christina Baldwin.

I found it mentally challenging. For much of my life I chose to NOT live consciously. I went on auto-pilot, like many working moms around me. In order to get all the THINGS done in a day that had to be done, I just did everything. No time to think beyond “what has to get done first”. Kids had needs that as a parent I was responsible to meet. Work was demanding and if I wanted that money I had to perform. Housework didn’t go away, and eventually I had to do the laundry and the dishes, clean the bathroom and dust. Consciously - I don’t think so! Avoiding knowing what my personal needs were was a requirement of the job. If I thought about it too much I would probably divorce my husband, quit my job and ditch my kids. LOL

Ever hear of the “empty nest” syndrome? Well, I am still waiting for it to hit. Or maybe THAT is what living consciously means? Empty nest would mean more time on my hands to think about ME. Maybe that is what I am going through right now when I am looking at what I WANT to do instead of owning EBS. Maybe finding scrapbooking as a hobby to do with friends and family was my way of consciously looking at my creativity and deciding I needed this now. Maybe my journaling is my spiritual side looking to find its way back to the peace and quiet of faith. HMMMM...

We learn to live consciously through becoming aware of inner and outer events as they are happening. – That would explain why I don’t understand why I hate my work so much – I am more aware of the outer events and how I feel inside about them. I don’t understand things but I am more aware. Another AH...HA moment!

Ok, my head hurts now. I am going to post this and see what the day brings. Maybe I’ll be even more conscious. LOL

Holidays


(Image is Dolly enjoying Daphne's company.)

Sitting in Calgary – feeling rather removed from my life.
I love the peace and quiet. I love having the dogs and one child as my entire stress load for the day.
The hardest decision is what to make for dinner, and the list of meals for the week is already written down and all the ingredients needed for the recipes in on hand.
Could I live like this over the long term? I don’t know. I do know that my body loves being here. I sleep well. I am eating well. I am drinking lots of water (and it is very warm here, so that is a good thing). I am losing bulk (maybe that is the water), but I don’t know if that is equal to losing weight. Different muscles hurt here than when I am at home. That could be the different table heights, activities, etc.
I miss my Quesnel family and friends. I wonder constantly what I am missing back there. I miss seeing the girls at Sam and Jeff’s. I miss my grandsons at home. I miss the back yard and Stetson. I miss my friends (particularly Penny). I miss Dianne and Shane. I miss seeing Chris.
I don’t want to stay too long, but maybe running away right now is a good thing. I feel like I am drowning at the office – hate to go there. I don’t want to be bothered with everything that is happening there. Whether it is clients, staff or just the office, I want it to go away! I haven’t even checked my email for the office since I left Quesnel over 10 days ago. Man, I hate to think of all the emails waiting . . .
So for now, I will enjoy my week, one day at a time. My goals are simple: help keep the house tidy; make dinners; scrapbook with Daphne and Tara; be quiet. I do want to journal more often – daily preferably. I have a new book about journaling for the soul . . . can’t wait to dive into that one.
I want to be well.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Friends only!


I have decided to restrict access to my blog to only those who have been invited. My friends and family - people I want to share my thoughts and life events with.

I have emailed each of you to please sign up and have access to my blog. I have struggled with my use of my blog spot and finally decided that what I originally planned was to have a site where I could post freely about the joys in my life. Since 99% of those joys are made up of my family and their lives, and I didn't want the world to have access, I stopped posting. I am missing my blog.

So here goes Phase II. My blog would never come up in any search engine before - blogspot or google. Now, even going to my blog site : qsquires.blogspot.com : you should not have access to my blog without being invited.

Please help by confirming this interpretation of blogspot's intent.

I hope to keep everyone still following my blog and helping me to solve any dilemas as they come up. I don't want to offend, anger or restrict anyone. Thanks guys!

Thursday, July 22, 2010

July Holidays


Ok, so I am on holiday. That should mean lots of time to blog, right? Then how come this is the first time I have gotten this close to my blog in 7 days. Don't look at the months since my last update, please :(

If a holiday is to relaxing . . . well, this one rocks! Sleep in, go to bed early, drink coffee for 2 hours every morning, then get dressed and decide if it is worth going out or staying in . . . If I relax any more, I will be comatose. LOL

Scrapbooking has taken a back seat to reading and playing on my computer. (Did I really put that in print -- shame on me!) I only have one 2 page spread completed and helped Daphne do a card for a girlfriend. I did resort 329 pics of T's Mexico trip, and get some additional cardstock to do layouts. Not enough to justify the 2 trips to Michaels already. I am soooooo bad.

So, back to my computer and my new "Artful Blogging" magazine. So how do I get fancy backgrounds and pics on my blogspot postings???? HMMM???