What have I been missing since Vancouver?? Finally, I have the same feeling that I had in Vancouver when I managed to go out at 8:30 pm and wander down to Grandville Street and sit down at Luke's and enjoy a glass of wine while I read a book. I would then order a light meal and head home at 10ish feeling slightly warm and fuzzy and amazingly relieved and joyful even.
Today I stopped in at The Rock bar at 4:30 with my new Sherrilyn Kenyon book and ordered a white wine. It was amazing. I looked out over the Fraser River and Front Street at the City of Quesnel and rejoiced in being in that spot at that time. I read and looked . . . I sipped and enjoyed, just like Vancouver.
Better than Vancouver, Samantha joined me for a glass of wine at 5pm and we chatted and laughed and shared. I loved the friendship and sharing that having a daughter as a best friend can give me. After she left, I finished my second glass of wine & a plate of chips before heading home.
I feel renewed. I feel warm and real. This is it! This is what I have missed in my life. The sense that I could have a glass of wine and enjoy a book without having to BE SOMEWHERE, DOING SOMETHING! I love my life.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Friday, March 23, 2012
No, it is NOT "again"
Imagine the trauma of putting your son back in the hospital ONE YEAR TO THE DAY of his liver failure and emergency transport to Vancouver General Hospital. The emotions were overwhelming . . . fear, frustration, disappointment, anger . . . The swirl of emotions went on all day. How could he go back into that place? How dare he? How dare God let this happen again? What could I do? Could I do anything? Why me?
It took a day of being with family and shopping around town and refocussing on my granddaughter's birthday to get through the day - poorly, by the way. When the deep fryer overflowed with foam from the coconut oil . . . last straw and I broke. I could not think of what to do or how to carry on. Thankfully my son-in-law saved the day and took over the kitchen so I could run away. Broken is a great way to describe how I felt. Mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, I was broken.
Thankfully, with family and God holding me steady, I have recovered. I still have moments of terror, but they are just moments. I still wonder what lesson I have to learn that God is making me go through this again, and then I get angry that it may be someone else that needs the lesson and we are all going through this for them. How wrong.
I can face each day - I have to remember that I only have to be my son's Mother. I have done that for 33 years and it is very easy to do. Nothing magically required here at all. A Mother's love - that is all.
It took a day of being with family and shopping around town and refocussing on my granddaughter's birthday to get through the day - poorly, by the way. When the deep fryer overflowed with foam from the coconut oil . . . last straw and I broke. I could not think of what to do or how to carry on. Thankfully my son-in-law saved the day and took over the kitchen so I could run away. Broken is a great way to describe how I felt. Mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, I was broken.
Thankfully, with family and God holding me steady, I have recovered. I still have moments of terror, but they are just moments. I still wonder what lesson I have to learn that God is making me go through this again, and then I get angry that it may be someone else that needs the lesson and we are all going through this for them. How wrong.I can face each day - I have to remember that I only have to be my son's Mother. I have done that for 33 years and it is very easy to do. Nothing magically required here at all. A Mother's love - that is all.
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