Busy times

I guess this is my life . . . busy all the time, even when sitting still at my computer. Yes, my life is surrounded by busy. Now, I don't think that is a bad thing. In fact, that is what makes my down and out times feel ok. But, everyone else seems to think that the "busy" is what makes me stressed. Hmm, nope, I don't feel that way. I get stressed in the dark of night when my body is too tired to do anything and my mind is going way too fast to sleep. I get stressed when I am being withdrawn and "into" myself. I get stressed when I have to deal with my office for more than 4 hours. I get stressed over money issues (particularly the lack of money). I get stressed with the "I should have" statements in my head.

So, having thought this through (at least the stress part), let me "think through" the busy part. My basic, core self is somehow based in being the centre pin of my family, (hence The Matriarch). The name means to me the strength and head of a family both mentally and physically. It does not mean tyrant, master or authoritarian. It means mentor and leader - a leader that encourages each member of the family to become their own leader and master. I struggle with the image of the Italian Matriarch. I envision that person to be dominant and self serving to the detriment of any who raise their head above ground (ie. smack the gopher image). I am more the Canadian Matriarch who is in the process of training up the next generation of leaders to take over when I die. In order for succession to work, you must guide each heir to be a strong and confident leader in their own right.

There are many times when I don't agree with my family's decisions or actions. That was true when they were in preschool and will be true till I die. My role is to observe, encourage and support. To support a decision or behaviour you don't like or agree with is the most difficult to deal with. Not because of the need to support the other person, but because my inside voice says "I must be weak not to take and stand and tell them off or set them straight." But, to learn valuable life lessons, I believe you must experience them, not be told about them.

Hmmm - now, is that where a new "stress" enters my lifestyle? Whenever you have to internalize or hold back a reaction, there is a "stressor" involved, but I honestly don't believe that this is a significant one. If it was, I would have been on high blood pressure pills since my first child reached 4 and had to make her bed, dress herself, clean her own teeth etc. because I know I could do them all for her better than she could do them at 4 yrs old.

NOPE - I don't buy into that stress.

Ok - enough heavy thought for this morning. LOL. Need to get some work done.

Opinions welcome!